Ramble of honesty

I seem to be perplexed.

Why?

My mind seems to be racing sometimes, with a plethora of thoughts, ideas, questions. I am wondering now if it is possible to allow yourself to fall into depression. Can you just continue thinking insecure thoughts and ponder bad ideas, consider yourself weak and than maybe you'll be diagnosed with depression? Because to be honest the world seems to think that when someone is diagnosed they are excused. "Hello ma'am I have depression, therefore I am allowed to mope with my head down and treat everyone with indifference." We will all do this, but how long should we allow ourselves? Is there a time limit to sadness, or happiness for that matter? Who is the controller of this because it seems to be built in. "You- your husband died over 2 months ago, why are you still sad?" or "Uhmm... your husband just died and your already dating, shouldn't you wait a while and prolong your grief for at least another year?" When can a person be free of these forced emotions. What if I just want to feel sad, what if my joy is uncontrollable, what if i'm mad and want to stay mad for a while, what if i will never love again, what if i don't have it in me to love anyone, what if i love him after only a day, what if?

What if?

The unknown. What a fear... Now fear I believe is an "emotion", if you want to clasify it that way, that we should not feel. This is something that should have limited control in our lives.  I say limited because I realize we tend to naturally fear, it's innate. However, God says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go". (Joshua 1:9) Because life is unpredictable and constantly moving forward, because time never goes back we tend to fear. What if I mess up? What if the decisions made now will haunt me in the future? This question "what if?" should be replaced with "who is". Who is it that forgives our mistakes, who is it that will take away the shame of our past and turn it into a testimony? God IS. The emotions that trouble us such as anger, sadness, unrest, are all controlled by fear. Why be held captive by it? I realize trying to control your emotions is one of the hardest things to do, sometimes impossible. But that is why we have God! "I can do all things THROUGH Christ who gives me strength". How comforting. I believe emotions are a monarchy. They are a group of feelings that rule us. BUT if we give them to God, if we live through him, by him, and for him, I mean truly for him, than he will replace that monarchy. He will lead a democracy in our hearts. It is a democracy because even though he will reign and rule he has our best interest at heart, he will know our desires and act upon them, he will fulfill our lives, and fill us with what we all long to feel. Love, peace, joy and rest.